Dapper Minds

Reflections Then & Now
By: Gipp Forster

I’m old-fashioned. I’m a leftover relic from the “olden days.” I’m kind of like an old Victor-Victrola that can still be wound up, but doesn’t move as fast as it once did. Or an eight-track tape that is still lying around but is no longer taken seriously. I’m not alone! I’m part of a fraternity. If you’re reading this, then maybe you’re part of this fraternity as well.

It isn’t easy being an antique. Young people, at times, poke and prod me to see if I still work. Grocery clerks ask me if I need help out of my car. I hear: “Out of the way, old man!” on busy downtown streets. I’m a senior, to be sure, but that doesn’t mean that my mind is as slow as my body has become. I can still admire a pretty girl. Go to an action-packed movie and not fall out of my seat. Chew gum, and tap my foot to an upbeat tune. Maybe I can no longer race, compete in the workforce, or walk home from the Empress. That does not stop me from still having plenty to offer. Some time ago, I helped a blind woman find her destination. I also went to Future Shop to purchase a new television for a shut-in whose old television had suddenly decided to retire.

I can still put dirty dishes in the dishwasher, and spill soup down the front of my shirt. I can write this column, and find my way around Thrifty’s. There are still a few miles left on this overweight, overtired body. And no one’s going to tell me differently! This old tiger may not have all its teeth, but it can sure work up a roar when a roar is needed. My wife just told me to be careful not to mistake a yawn for a roar. I was going to roar at her for making light of what I’m saying, but I think I’ll wait until after my nap.

I guess I am old-fashioned in certain ways. I still believe a gentleman should give up his seat for a lady, and he should always be on the outside of her when walking down the street. I believe in saying “please” and “thank you,” and not dropping my “g”s in conversation. I believe in manners and morals, and reverence where reverence is due; all those things from yesteryear that we learned at home, as well as in school.

If all of this makes me “old-fashioned” then so be it! After all, I’m old - at least in the eyes of a teenager or young adult. When it comes to fashion, my dress is relaxed. My evening clothes consist of pyjamas, bathrobe and slippers. If I go for a drink, it’s usually into the kitchen for a glass of water.

Birthdays are tolerated and no longer celebrated. Age has its downside, but it also has its upside. I pay less now to get into a movie. The only problem with that is there aren’t any decent movies. I can save a buck or two by ordering from a seniors’ menu in a restaurant. And because I don’t walk too well anymore, I get to board an airplane first. It’s too bad I no longer travel.

I guess the problem with being older is that the young, for some reason, think our brains are as grey as our hair. And because some of us need certain aids to assist us to walk, they think we need extra assistance to help us think.

My brain isn’t disabled or limited, even though my body may be flirting with different dilemmas. Maybe my body can no longer run, but my mind still can. The only problem is it doesn’t always remember where it’s running. But other than that, my mind is still as sharp as a tack.

It’s true I don’t move around too much anymore, but my wife doesn’t complain when she has to dust me. So, I guess she still wants me to stay.

Once my kids respected me and obeyed me, but now kids consider me “cute” when I voice an opinion. They don’t consider me a threat. That rather upsets me. My wife thinks I’m cute when I’m upset, so there’s no reinforcement for my dignity in that arena. I guess I’ll just have to pout and bear it. Nevertheless, I don’t consider myself old in the final analysis.

Old-fashioned? Oh, yes, indeed! I am. I am. I mean, there has to be some of us who still believe in proper diction, in manners, and in opening the door for ladies.

We might be getting fewer and fewer and older and older (not old!), but our memory still holds fast to what our parents taught us when we were young. So, here’s to dapper minds hiding in tired bodies, and to the time when morality was a way of life - and not an option.